Angela Aspen Should Be Fighting the Delusion

A number of ex-porn stars have been popping up on this website FightTheNewDrug.org, which advances a ragingly anti-porn credo that at least in a couple of cases has been proven to be carefully manufactured propaganda using footage and/or soundbites from industry veterans the site's crusaders—believed to be connected with the Mormon church—either misled or quoted out of context.

Trump Batman Comment Brings Out News Retardation

Somehow Donald Trump offhandedly remarking "I am Batman" to a 9-year-old kid has drawn a rash of blubbery coverage from the likes of CNN, Newsweek, The Huffington Post, Breitbart, the NY Daily News and many, many more. Whether you support Trump or find him a raving imbecile, this utterly innocuous slice of nothingness has exactly zero bearing on anything. It's so inconsequential, any news outlet that picked it up should be fined for journalistic fraud. If such fines could be levied. The point is, it's not news. So shut up about it, newspeople. Vicki Vale would be so ashamed.

New Taco Bell Grillers Throw Down Live Mas Gauntlet

Hot on the heels (not sorry for the pun) of Burger King rolling out its Fiery Chicken Fries (see earlier post), Taco Bell has effectively guffawed in the King's creepy face and exclaimed, "You call that fiery? Allow us to show you fiery!"—or in more reality-based terms, introduced its own new trio of super-spicy menu items, Dare Devil Loaded Grillers. The three varieties are Fiery Ghost Pepper, Hot Habanero and Mild Chipotle. Not sure why you would throw that last pussy-sounding one under the "Dare Devil" umbrella, but the other two get a "shit yes." To be honest, ghost pepper is kind of terrifying, and not just because it has "ghost" in its name, but also because much like ghosts, its very existence seemed made up until just now when Google proved otherwise. Sooooo anyway, mouth-haunting dare accepted, Taco Bell.

Husslas Don't Need No Spell Check

Thanks to Christian XXX for supplying this on his Twitter ... apparently the makers of this coffee cup were so eager to be living exemplars of the deeply inspired adage they wished to bestow upon the masses by way of the coffee cup medium that they failed to run the template past anybody with spelling ability before jamming the cups through to market. Hussle on, you coffee cup Sartres.

Breaking: BK Turns Chicken Fries Fiery

Chicken fries are a curious creation ... why anyone saw a need to basically stretch out the chicken nugget is anyone's guess. But now Burger King has expanded the whole chicken fry frontier by adding new companion ones to its menu that are FIERY. This genuinely changes everything. And they're not fucking around—according to the BK website, these Fiery Chicken Fries aren't just fiery, they're "offensively spicy." Check back for a follow-up report on these later. At some point. Maybe.

Some Dude on Twitter Makes Axel Braun Meme

So this story got posted some places yesterday about how fans were begging Axel Braun to make a Fantastic Four movie that's actually good. At the heart of the story is the meme to left that seems to have been created a couple days ago by one Julian James in Melbourne, who proudly twatted late last night that his meme had made Cosmic Book News. (Apparently he missed that it also made Adult Video News.) The moral to be gleaned here, then, is that memes now constitute news. Guess there's some shred of comfort construable from the fact that Julian at least used "you're" and not "your." Talk about having no hope.

Truffle Fries in Chip Form

Lay's has placed this potato chip flavor on the market as part of its annual "Do Us a Flavor" campaign, and goddamit if it's not the most enticing chip flavor ever to appear. If you've never had truffle fries, go get some. And while you're out, pick up a bag of these chips and bring them over. Thanks. Also some beer. You da man.